Journey of Care: From Professional Success to Personal Rediscovery
At 43, my life is a far cry from the hustle-culture days of running a successful design business in Chicago. Those days, brimming with financial success and material accomplishments, seem like a different era. Now, I find myself sharing the family home with my parents in a small town (yes, it’s really quite nice as I’m not dating), a stark contrast to the vibrant city life I once knew. This piece is me figuring out how to get a different perspective on what ended up not being a total downfall, but rather a complex journey of care, introspection, and confronting what I believe to be very gray-collar American deep-seated beliefs about success and self-worth. That makes this somewhat of a red pill story I suppose.
My early years were shaped by a materialistic worldview, a belief that one’s value is directly linked to their wealth and resources. This perspective drove me to achieve, but it also tethered my self-worth to how much I could command. In Chicago, as I navigated the demanding world of web design, I found solace in alcohol. It’s hard to say whether I drank to cope with the stress or if the drinking itself contributed to the stress. Perhaps it was both.
The decision to leave Chicago wasn’t entirely mine. It was necessitated by a growing realization that my lifestyle was unsustainable and was affecting my health and well-being. Moving back to small town America and into my parents’ home wasn’t just a retreat; it was a necessary step for healing and re-evaluating my life’s direction.
Taking care of my parents, both facing significant health challenges, has become my new full-time job. This role, often exhausting and emotionally taxing, doesn’t come with a paycheck or public accolades. It’s starkly different from the fast-paced, financially rewarding life I had. Yet, and even though I may not feel it, I insist that it is equally, if not more, meaningful.
I grapple with feelings of being stuck and undeserving, as if my current situation is a step back from the life I ‘should’ be living. But this journey hasn’t been linear (nor should it be, I suppose). The skills, resilience, and empathy I’ve developed over the years are now being channeled into the compassionate care of my loved ones. This is not a lesser path; it’s just a different one.
There’s a cultural alienation, too, in this quiet town where so many horror films depict their whitewashed cornfields, so different from the diverse and dynamic streets of Chicago. It’s a daily reminder that I’m not where I once was, physically or metaphorically. Yet, this sense of alienation also offers a unique perspective, allowing me to see my past and present through different lenses.
The truth is, I don’t need to measure my worth by my financial success or the prestige of my job. My value as a person isn’t diminished because my current contributions to the world aren’t translated into monetary terms. The care I provide, the love I share, and the growth I am experiencing are invaluable. Is that a truth that is available to me?
This next act of my life is about redefining success and self-worth, moving away from materialistic measures to more profound, intrinsic values. It’s about understanding that every step of this journey, including the current one, is a part of a larger, more complex picture of who I am and who I am becoming.
As I continue on this path, I am learning to appreciate the nuances of my journey, embracing both its challenges and its rewards. It’s a journey not just of caregiving but of self-care and re-discovery, a path towards a more authentic, fulfilling life.
… And so the story continues, ever evolving. If you enjoyed this piece, I would appreciate claps (You can give anywhere between one and 50 claps) as that tells me what resonates with people, and what to write more of. And also algorithms. ✌.|•͡˘‿•͡˘|.✌
To a brighter day,
Anker (੭ˊᵕˋ)੭.*･｡ﾟ
